Jeremiah 17:7
“Blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.”
Papa, I am a prodigal son, I am a sinner, I’m still trying to figure out the telephone game with the bible, but what I do know for certain, the center of the message is love.
I know the difference between right and wrong, but when it comes to shades of gray and other people’s perspectives that’s where I think a lot of us struggle. We come at this world from our own perspective and not a lot of people think to put themselves in another person’s shoes before judging them. I have done it. I realize in this moment I AM doing it…I did it last week. Judging someone based on the few moments I see or hear about. God knows the truth about that person but what I believe about that person could be dead wrong.
Someone I know whom I’ve had great respect for is retiring. He’s delivered wonderful sermons to people and has been such an encouragement to my faith over the years when I didn’t quite understand the hypocrisy of most Christian churches and a point in my Christian journey where I was about ready to say goodbye to it all. But what I didn’t do this time when this man failed me, was let it affect my relationship with God. and this man taught me that. Not to lose faith in God when “people who are sinners, or fall short, fail you”. God used him as a tool to help deepen my faith. So while by his own admittance he was not a good businessman and terrible at making hard decisions, I soon realized that I saw myself in his flaws. He was such a people pleaser that he would promise people things he really couldn’t deliver on. He didn’t want to be the person to hurt them, but he also didn’t have the ability to tell them the bad news or prepare them for the bad news. That’s where I got really angry at this man and thought wow, he lied! How shallow! But then I realized wait, have I not done the same thing? Being a fellow people pleaser myself, not wanting anyone to be upset with me, I have promised things to people as well that I could never deliver on and I didn’t have the guts or courage to tell them. I felt shame and I just wanted to hide.
That’s the part of me that feels compassion for this man. He does have a big heart and he has helped out many people. He is flawed just like I am but that doesn’t make him a bad person. He has a gifting in one way but he’s not gifted in every way, none of us are and that’s why we need each other.
I had a hope, a vision, that things would turn out a certain way and we were waiting for certainty to make our decision….but every step of the way we became more and more uncertain about my friend’s safety with his job and if it would lead to stability so that the two of us could take our next steps in our lives together…but it didn’t come to fruition…and it hardened my heart to the hurt not just this person, but other people I know went through due to other people’s poor choices and mismanagement.
We’ll never always be in complete alignment with the leaders in our lives, and I disagree with many things that have taken place. So I have a choice, I can walk away, I can put some boundaries in place, and I can make the best of things or make a church home somewhere else.
As I heal from that, I realize God’s plan for my life is not necessarily mine. If I jump right to the white picket fence life, what do I learn and how do I grow? You can’t go right to happily ever after! Happily ever after is in heaven…not this life and so many people don’t get that! I didn’t get that! I thought God was angry with me because it seemed like other people had it but I didn’t and why? The reality is I only get a glimpse at other people’s lives and make a conclusion from there that it’s all peachy kean when it probably isn’t.
In the bible it says, “In this world you will have trouble, but take heart I have overcome the world.” I longed for that white picket fence life mainly because I didn’t have the best childhood and I thought I could change that in my adult years but my life is far from white picket fence. As a divorced single mom, I realize white picket fence is simply not obtainable or realistic. My fence is weathered, cracked, missing planks and not very pretty. But I now have the heart to embrace that, that my journey is different, that life is ugly, messy, there’s tears, blood, sweat and disappointment….and all of it is meant to teach us and draw us closer to what is important in life.
We often care too much about status, money, security, careers and not as much about relationships and cherishing each moment we are given knowing God will supply us with all of our needs, maybe not all of our wants, but definitely all of our needs until the day he calls us home.